...DREAM

The most beautiful word for me...sometimes

A word that makes me feel the weight of my being in this world...sometimes

A word I associate with phony commercials, that try to cash people's inner hope in the most lurid way...most of the times

And slowly without my ever being aware, I have let it just be a cliché-an empty word-in my own mind too.

Because I seldom dream these days.

I still dream of making the world a better place but have almost forgotten what it's like to gaze at the horizon and just dream weightless dreams,
those that do not involve saving the world or making it better and so on that weighs me down with their gravity. 

I had made a rule that my dreams should levitate me off the ground, even if by only an inch. It should lift me off the ground.

But these days, I hardly remember the rules that I made. I am a grown up!

I loved looking at sunsets and moon rises. I still do. I look at them with clear, focused gaze trying to sip in their beauty and nothing else. No nonsense that means. 

But there was a time when I would be looking at them, yet my eyes would be totally unfocussed and my mind racing off devising some imaginary world in which my Prince would be sitting in that setting sun looking down at me gazing up at him.

Oh, when did I forget to be a real dreamer and become a "no nonsense" person?

Looking out...for a prince!

 

As I understand the world more and more, the less I dare to dream. As life deals bitterness and realities to me one by one, the less I take shelter in dreams to make me feel better. I have known that dreaming does not solve your problems. 

So, in the process of being a practical person, I have almost forgotten to do what gave me the most pleasure-be lost in a world of my own, where the moon light gave me strength, where I would tell my problems to the moon and he would understand, when I talked with the grasses and they would be nodding at me (as the wind swayed them). 

I would be racing in an interplanetary rocket when I was traveling in a jam packed bus. There would be secret places of mine where I would hide stones and stuffs, not ordinary ones, my magical ones which I would retrieve after a few years. And someone, my Prince most likely would always be watching me when I hid my stuff but I wouldn't know yet that he was there. He had to keep track of where I kept my secret stuffs because without them our eventual happy ending was not possible.

Dreaming of sunset!

And so on and so forth, I dreamt. I did not fear looking at the sunset and completely removing myself from the world. And I had this feeling that I had a pleasant secret within me and that made me glow inwardly.

Now I hardly have that glow. While trying to survive, I nearly forgot it is useless to survive unless you can dream. One of my own rules again. That is why I feel miserable and crappy most of the time these days. Did I grow to be the kind of bitter, dry and dreamless adult that I always detested and promised to myself I would never be?

I hope not. Because I still dream sometimes and I still can write about what I used to dream about. So may be I'm not completely lost after all. So may be my Prince has not lost his hope on me yet and would some day come riding in his white horse to claim me and live happily ever after. After all, I still do believe in him once in a while!