Last Cent

When you have only two cents left in the world; 

buy a bread with one and a lily with another"

Chinese proverb

It was a long time ago, many years ago, that I had come across this proverb. Then, I was a wide eyed curious teenager ready to believe anything that came my way. This utopian proverb fascinated me so much I copied it down onto my diary.

My process of growing up began, I was a teenage no longer. College was eating me up. The student bubble was trying to shallow me whole. Now and then, this proverb slipped into my conscience. I always thought of myself as someone who would "really" buy a lily with her last scent and enjoy the "beauty" of life. Then, I didnt have any extra cent to spare to buy as fancy a flower as lily. But still, I held on. The exotic lily in magazines, Anne of the Green Gables with her lily-of-the-valley bouquet, the magnificent lilies on show in flower shops all stole my heart and I always promised myself I would buy them when my life would be in utter chaos.

Today, I have a big bouquet of lily right in my bedroom. Its fragrance wafts through the room and inside me. It is beautiful. But now I know, I will not use that last cent of mine to buy it. Because, it doesn't lessen sorrow. It only heightens it. You see the contrast between finer things in life and what a mess you are in. Lily, you are wonderful. But you do not make me happy. You cannot console me when nothing's left on me. So I would rather throw away my last cent than invest it in you.