Floating through dreams and nightmares
To be scared thinking about scary situations,
In the middle of night, after you wake up, feeling all scared and tight and immobile,
When at night, you dream the most real dream. Crossing through a dark fearful bridge alone at midnight, which you have always feared crossing at midnight, although neither that bridge nor your dream are real.
It takes a while to seep in. But the fear, it cannot just be shaken away. It is still there when you switch on the lights, and try to make sense of your safety and in a groggy state you try to rationalize away that you will never ever be in such a situation.
Yet being scared thinking of that bridge, and being scared thinking of other scary situations you might be in.
When you are in that dream-awake state of surreality, everything seems so likely. And life holds little meaning at that time. Because the whole universe suddenly makes sense and chooses that moment to dwarf you with its enormity.
Yet, I knew at the end of that bridge, just a few steps away, you would be there. That I would meet you. That you were speeding towards me, to meet me, and to hold me inside the safety of your arms.
I woke up before you had arrived, I woke up before I could cross the bridge. With awakening, the fear I had for myself, I felt it for you too. Every scary situation that I was scared of, I imagined you helpless too. And I was double scared for that.
And now when I'm in my senses, fully alert and agile in mind, I have a new fear. Fear of you, trespassing into my dream, into my soul.
In the middle of night, after you wake up, feeling all scared and tight and immobile,
When at night, you dream the most real dream. Crossing through a dark fearful bridge alone at midnight, which you have always feared crossing at midnight, although neither that bridge nor your dream are real.
As you pass through that bridge with fists clenched, body shaking, heart chilled to the core by fear. As you wake up, that fear transcending dream and seeping through your bones into reality. When for a full minute you neither move nor dare to breathe trying to differentiate between what you were just going through, and where you actually are.
From being in a near panic mode while crossing the most fearfully dark and lonely stretch of a bridge, to finding yourself in your warm bed with all the safety your home could provide you.
It takes a while to seep in. But the fear, it cannot just be shaken away. It is still there when you switch on the lights, and try to make sense of your safety and in a groggy state you try to rationalize away that you will never ever be in such a situation.
Yet being scared thinking of that bridge, and being scared thinking of other scary situations you might be in.
When you are in that dream-awake state of surreality, everything seems so likely. And life holds little meaning at that time. Because the whole universe suddenly makes sense and chooses that moment to dwarf you with its enormity.
Yet, I knew at the end of that bridge, just a few steps away, you would be there. That I would meet you. That you were speeding towards me, to meet me, and to hold me inside the safety of your arms.
I woke up before you had arrived, I woke up before I could cross the bridge. With awakening, the fear I had for myself, I felt it for you too. Every scary situation that I was scared of, I imagined you helpless too. And I was double scared for that.
And now when I'm in my senses, fully alert and agile in mind, I have a new fear. Fear of you, trespassing into my dream, into my soul.
Comments
Post a Comment